she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
