i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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