I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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