There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
