Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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