Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize