What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
