Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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