is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize