Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
