just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
