he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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