To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
