Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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