The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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