Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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