By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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