at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
