You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
