i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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