I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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