I am spending my child support on dildos
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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