i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
