He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
