If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
