Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
