Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
