I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Never joke about your clitoris.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
