her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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