He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
