i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
