last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
