overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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