i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize