dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
did i walk over a car last night?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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