apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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