I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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