holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
They took my balls.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize