I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
