So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
