I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
