Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
