Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
