I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
