no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
