so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
