someone get that fucking seahorse.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
