DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
