I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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