My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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