So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
