wanna go halves on a baby?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
