So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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