what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
