she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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