its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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