Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
