I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
