I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
