using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Rumble strips road head = magical
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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